TBT: Expecting Multiples

So, you’re expecting multiples. Congratulations! I've been there and I remember the mix of emotions it brings. Elation. Disbelief. Euphoria. Anxiety. "My dreams are coming true!" "Now what do we do?"

Now that I'm on the other side and my pregnancy is a fond memory, it has occurred to me that there are a number of things I wished I knew earlier. So here are some tips for all of you expectant mommas (whether you've got one bun in the oven or more) that I hope will be useful.

Hit up the library

Now is the time to read, research and decide what kind of parent you see yourself being. It sounds overwhelming, and it's true that 90% of parenting is "baptism by fire", but the more thought you give and conversations you have with your partner when it comes to certain issues, the easier things will be down the road. For example, it's a good idea to decide where you stand on breast vs. bottle, sleep training, attachment parenting, and how to share responsibilities with your partner. Keep in mind that your stance on these issues will likely change (there’s not a parent on Earth that hasn’t said “I’ll never let my kid…” and then gone back on it), but having a clear idea of your parenting philosophy and style from the outset will help you to narrow down your reading list. For example, the book 12 Hours Sleep by 12 weeks is a great read for teaching your babies how to sleep, but it does involve letting them cry it out a little bit. If that doesn’t jive with your parenting philosophy, you’re probably better off going with a book that outlines different plan. Trust me, making these decisions is much easier when you’re not sleep-deprived and desperate! Deciding who will handle different parenting responsibilities is so much easier when you're well-rested and the babies are tucked safely in your uterus, as opposed to shouting at your partner at 3:00 in the morning "would it kill you to change that one's diaper while I'm feeding this one?!" (not that I speak from personal experience or anything...). Go in with a plan (knowing that plans sometimes change), and you’ll save yourself some stress once the babies arrive.

Get real about your registry

When I was pregnant (and up until the twins were about 15 months old), my husband and I lived in a smallish condo. We did not have the luxury of space to fit two of everything. In the end, that worked out to our benefit, because so many of the “big ticket items” are things you can get away with owning only one of. Babies can be picky about which swing/bouncy seat/jumparoo they prefer, and the majority of the time, my kids each had their own favorite. My advice is, buy just one of each of the “big ticket items” and see what your babies like. You can always buy a second swing later if necessary, but chances are you won’t even need it.

Double-up where necessary

Things I did buy two of:

cribs

pack ’n’ plays

car seats

Bumbo seats

high chairs (though you can hold off on those since you won’t need them right away)

For these, many retailers offer a discount if you are buying two of the same item (or, they did when I was pregnant, anyway). It’s always worth asking if the store has a multiples discount policy. With that said...

Shop secondhand

There is SO MUCH baby stuff that is just as good the second, third, or fourth time around (just ask parents of large families). I know it's easy to get excited and want to shop 'til you drop - I felt that way, too. But now I realize that a lot of the money I spent on getting new gear for the babies could've been saved for things like preschool tuition. Trust me, I had a taste for "nice things" too. You get over that REAL fast the first time you deal with an explosive diaper situation. Speaking of diapers...

Consider cloth diapering

Yes, there is some initial investment, but there are a ton of buy/sell/trade sites out there and in the long run, you could save a lot of money. I did cloth part-time and every time I changed one of those cloth diapers, I patted myself on the back for saving my family a bit of money. I was even able to sell them once the kids were potty-trained, so I got back a little bit of my money. Win-win.

See if you can join a Moms of Multiples club

This is a big one. I am so lucky to live in an area that has a very active chapter of the National Moms of Multiples organization. This group has meetings for new and expectant moms once a month, as well as social events, mom’s nights out, play dates, and a twice-yearly consignment sale. As a new mom, it was so reassuring to talk to these ladies that had been through what I was experiencing. Sometimes we all just need to hear “I’ve been there, you’re doing great.” and this group can provide the space for that.